Self-confidence: my tips to gain it back

Why are so many of us doubting ourselves? Doubting our own capabilities?

I have struggled with this most of my life. I knew the lack of confidence wasn't logical. Objectively, I had everything it took to be proud and sure of myself. But I was always the one hiding behind others - always the shy one, waiting for my friends to speak for me. Always afraid I wasn't enough.

To be honest, those feelings still arise sometimes. But they no longer stop me from doing what my heart wants to do. I know how to deal with them now. And overcoming them is a challenge worth every reward.

1. Stop Worrying About What Others Think

This comes up constantly in coaching sessions. Everyone likes to be appreciated - this is normal. But too often, instead of thinking "I love who I am and will shine bright no matter what", we think "I am not good enough, what will people say?"

This is such a waste of who we are.

Who cares what people think, seriously? People will actually love you more when you are being your true authentic self - not afraid to show your weaknesses, because those weaknesses make you human and stronger.

Do you know one person who everybody likes? Of course not. There will always be people who admire you and people who don't. IT DOESN'T MATTER. What others think has NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU. It is all about them and their own perception, biased by their own feelings, experiences and struggles.

Approach all of this with love. Meditate on it. Challenge yourself every day with small things - getting over the fear of what another person will think. You will soon feel liberated and won't look back.

2. Use Daily Positive Affirmations

I have my own mantras that I repeat to myself whenever I can - getting ready in the morning, taking a shower, walking down the street. They may not have an immediate effect, but they do have a big impact over time, especially on your inner programming and beliefs.

We are all programmed by what we watched, heard, read and experienced growing up. If you heard all your life that "life is tough" or "those people are lucky, we are not", that is what gets ingrained in you. Repeating daily positive affirmations is part of the process of re-programming that.

Examples of meaningful affirmations:

• -I accept and value myself exactly as I am
• -Who I am is good enough
• -I am unstoppable
• -Life unfolds exactly as it should
• -I am becoming my better self
• -I love myself unconditionally

Stop beating yourself up with constant negative self-talk. Stop being excessively modest. Acknowledge the magic in you. By allowing yourself to shine and be proud of it, you are not hurting anyone - you are boosting yourself and acknowledging that yes, you are worth a great deal.

3. Flip the Coin

When you notice negative self-talk starting, stop it immediately. Tell yourself off and do something radically different.

A helpful practice: listen to motivational or personal development audio. When you are listening, your mind doesn't have space to downgrade you. And if what you are listening to is uplifting and inspiring, it wakes up desire, drive and motivation.

I stopped consuming daily news for this reason. If something important happens, I will hear about it. But I don't need a constant flow of negativity. Since making that choice, I have more time for things that make me personally grow.

What you watch, what you listen to, who you spend time with — these things are CRUCIAL. Make your world a better place by choosing consciously.

4. Nurture Yourself

Self-confidence starts with how you take care of yourself. If you keep eating bad food, sleeping poorly, ignoring your body's needs — how can you feel good from the inside out?

By showing yourself that you are worth good food, good rest, movement and care, you prove to yourself that yes, you deserve the best. That yes, you have the power to decide what is best for you.

Cleaning your physical system helps clean your mind. The two are deeply connected.

5. Accept Yourself Exactly as You Are, NOW

Don't wait until you reach your goal to love yourself. Don't wait to be "better" before accepting who you are.

The journey to more confidence is not linear. There will be good days and hard ones. Be your own best friend through all of it. Support yourself in your ups and your downs. The answers are all within you.

In Love and Happiness,

Stephanie